taba mo te!

Aside

i realized a very sad truth.

Ang taba taba ko na…

Im not even sure why it surprised me when in fact for the last few months people around me like my family. friends and even boytoys were telling me that im fat. I would always tell them na im not fat fat since my hita are not getting bigger nmn.

Then my 28th birthday came, I drank and ate my heart out for one week and to my dismay after coming out from my hibernation i didnt like the woman i saw staring at me inside the elevator. I was really shocked when i saw my arms my legs and specially my tummy bulging and to think that i was wearing my super cute top and bolero jacket.

Damn, bat ko hinayaan maging ganito!! Bat di ako nakinig sa mga tao sa paligid ko.. bakit ndi ako gumawa ng paraan noong 100lbs pa lang ako? Ngaun im almost 120lbs and nakakainis. Ndi na ksya mga pants, skirts and blouses ko. Pag sinusuot ko dresses ko ndi na maganda tignan, pagnakasleeveless ako ang sagwa kelangan pang me dala kang atsara bago ko matitigan sarili ko sa mirror.

I decided to challenge myself, na papayatin sarili ko for the next 200 days.

Keep u updated!!!

 

Bet kong magdirek…

OH well! Ilang linggo na akong binabagabag ng aking so called “creative side”. Parang muing nabubuhay na paunti unti ang tulog kong kamalayan.

Ive been watching documentaries for the last few days and I dont know since im feeling this void inside. Me gustong sumigaw na if only umayos ako at inayos ko buhay ko maybe i could be writing something more substantial than me being a freak and me losing control of my life.

If nababasa to ni “Inno” i would surely get a scolding kasi he would tell me na its never too late na i can still try to be the writer that i wanted to be. Sasabihn nya, pwede ko kabogin si Kara David kaso sa sobrang arte ko baka daw instead of people admiring me because im brave and wa kebs kung pasukin man ng kaputikan ang pechayles ko e isipin pa nila na abangan ako sa Global City at pilitin akong mag report n lang para sa “the BUzz”.

Ewan ko ba?! Nakaklorkay! Im not sure if me kinalaman to sa darating na May 22 at tatanda n nmn ako.

Oh well! Happy Birthday to me…

Pag ang langit ang humatol!!!!

Ang saklap ng buhay ko ngaun.. after two months ng non stop na do do do over wit na akez dilig starting feb 11 till now. My heart got broken by a 22 year old kid and right now ang worklaloo ko nmn ang nanganganib na ma lost in space dahil lang sa kabitchesahan ko sa isang nagtataray na indiano na itago natin sa name na “Ms. Ashraf”

Walang nangyayaring tama and to think na its my birthmonth huhuhu.. Asan na ba ang mga bertud na ipinagkalob sa kin ng reyna ng mga kabaklaan at bakit horror movie na me halong emote ang kwento ng buhay kong eto.

kamutin nyo nmn ako!

lahat na ata halos ng lalaking kinakikiligan ko ngaun e lahat PAYUMMY lang and shocks laway na laway nmn ako. Eto ata ang epek pag ilang buwan ka ng ndi na “uunclog” at panay porn and pangarap n lang ksama mo.

And gosh it doesnt help na me mga lalaking nagpaparamdam at ikaw nmng si sabik e naghihintay na yayain ka kumembular para matapos na ang tagtuyot sa buhay mo.

OO fine malandi ako at i can proudly say na im slutty but ndi ko kasi naging ugali na mag initiate ng isang mainit na tagpo.. Payummy din lang ako at waiting in vain ang drama ko but ngaun ngaun kelangan na talagang madiligan ng bongga dahil uber na feeling ko closed forever na ang petalyes ko..

Sana kasing ganda n lang ako ni Georgina Wilson para pati tulo ng pawis ko pinagnanasaan ng mga kaboyletan pwede din nmn Cristine Reyes atleast natalbugan ko si Anne Curtis.

Bottomline is… Kelangan ko ng “do”

ang babae sa elevator

Ilang araw na din ako nakkikipag palitan ng matatamis na salita sa luma kong team mate. Itago natin sya sa name na JJD. We were in the same team for almost 4 months and we were not even friends. Meron lang nangyaring insidente noong nagteam bldg kami na ndi ko malilimutan between him and of cors the wife.

Since feel na feel ko magkwento ngaun gora ako sa details. I was new sa team at that time and i dont ave any friends so siguro si JJD nagmamagandang loob at super chika at asikaso skin. Umupo pa si bakla sa tabi ko while we talked about a movie by priscilla almeda. After a few hours of friendly banter, JJD decided to go back sa piling ni misis (ouch! obvious na si ate talaga ang pipiliin nya pagdating ng panahon) so keber dedma aketch since during that time ndi ko p nmn feel si kuya, He was looking at me then of cors sino nmn ako para ndi maging choosy so i flashed him a very pacute smile.

Unfortunately wifey saw it and si bakla walang kyeme kyemeng kumuda ng ” hanggang dito nambabae ka” and damn she freaked out.

deadma pa din aketch kasi ndi nmn ako guilty at first but then i realized na ako lang ang bago sa team. Wifey knows lahat ng gurlash na andun except for me so bigla akong natanga. Quiet ever na ako.

Kinabukasan pasok n ulit, JJD added me to his communicator well more than willing ko nmng inaccept ang invite (again ndi ako kagandahan para maging choosy and besides crush ko na sya after what happened) he didnt send me any messages nmn while we were in the same team not untll…

A week ago, my status in my communicator was “paluin mo ako ng suspenders mo” and it was meant for my crush (sorry puro lalaki blogs ko e un lang nmn kasi hilig ko) and that’s who it started

JJD: wala kasi akong suspenders! pero mahaba nmn ang buhok ko o pwede din belt ako n lang papalo su

me: (In awe at halos maihi) hahaha yaan m n pareho nmn kaung mahabang buhok

JJD: at sino nmn to?

me: ndi ko kilala but nasa band sya

JJD: nakadreads ba to

me: uu hihihi.. oi baka kilala mo xa ha

JjD: blah blah blah (sorry ndi ko na matandaan ung mga pangyayri sobrang kilig ko)

Basta ang ending

JjD: sige bye bye next time n lang ung palo mo ha

Me: sige lakasan mo ha

Then after 2 days

JjD: hello! musta nmn morning shift

Me; eto buryo blah blah blah (sorry ndi ko na ulit marecall) basta ang ending

JjD: ano nga palang number mo? nabura ko na kasi lahat ng numbers nyo sa phone ko

Me; (buong pagtataka since he never asked for my number before and i dont remember any of my team mates na binigyan ko ng #) eto 0915 xxx xxxx.. bigyan mo ako ng load ha

JJD: sige sige, saka ung palo mo nirereserve ko pa ung lakas ko

then bye bye after ng ilang minutong kulitan..

Iniisip ko baka assuming lang ako at feelingera. Graduate kasi ako ng assumption school of pagiging assumptionista. Well i guess i have all the right kasi bakit chummy chummy ka ngaun when in fact dati we dont even talk.

Then today…

JJD: Shot na!

Me; daya inggit ako me pasok pa ako e. Off m na di ba?

JJD: uu tara shot na!

Me; Hmp yabang!

xchange of kulitan ulit

JJD: bakit ang late nmn ng tulog mo bakit 1am or 4am

Me; online or text kasi un n lang ang time ko lumandi

JJD: ah hahaha kulit sige pag wala akong lakad mamaya maglandian tayo sa text (omg! almost ikaloka ko ang statement na iyon! Can u blame me if ganito reaction ko? I must admit na im flirting with him but damn he has a wife and his flirting with me too…) Siguro nga im wrong as in super wrong kasi im kinda the temptress here but if he didnt ask me for my # then baka ndi ko sya landiin ng hayagan.

So aun natapos na ang convo nmin dahil uuwi na si JJD> If your wondering kung bakit babae sa elevator ang title ko ill tell u sa next blog ko. out ko na e mwah!

 

 

 

damn

Oh well!

Feeling ko broken hearted ako and to think na i only exchanged messages and talked to the guy sa phone. I sent him a forwarded message earlier tonight and here’s what I got:

J: Sino to?

Me: (in awe) Im sorry but i think i was talking to a different person last night. Im sorry sa abala

J: Oh sorry j’s already asleep na eh… anyways I’ll tell him that you texted. Whats your name again?

Me: (mas in awe) there’s no nid but thanks anyway

J: Alright.. :)

Damn! Feeling ko gf nya ung nakasagot when he clearly told me na he’s not in a relationship and damn i fell for it. Ganun na ba talaga ako kagullible or should i say am i really that lonely? na even simpleng landian lang e nakakakita na ako ng mga batang nagtatakbuhan sa burol.. Hay grabe nmn!

Lahat na ata ng nasa paligid ko inlove even my gay friend has a hot bf kahit online lang at milya milya ang distance between them but he has someone to call “baby” when he gets home Someone’s asking him if kumain n ba sya? stuff like that na walang nagtatanong skin

Hay! loneliness…Its official na siguro i was born to be either forever lonely or forever na kabit!

so heto na ang totoong ako!

with my ever first entry ive already admitted na I was a mistress for almost 2 years.

And gosh feeling ko mauulit n nmn sya. i mean what the hell is wrong with me? why am i attracted to guys na committed na and for some reason unknown to me e parang laging ganun lang ang PEG ko. I mean marami namang single dyan bakit dun ako lagi napupunta sa may karelasyon? Habang buhay ba tong drama na to? wala ba akong choice kundi PANINDIGAN to? I sometimes feel na somewhere sa katawan ko its either me sticker o me lumalabas na amoy saying na “makati po ako… and i like guys who are effin married!”

Damn! i must admit na when i got his message i almost forgot na nasa opisina ako worst i even talked to a non cardholder dahil ang utak ko e nasa kanya. UU nasa syo! So please if ur planning to make a move gawin mo na. I cant wait! Sige ka baka sa iba pa mapunta tong inipon ipon kong BLAH…

Anyway kong ndi ka pwede dun na lang muna ako ke perennial partner ko!